June 20, 2010.

You know what's really annoying? When everyone else tries to get into your business, & when they don't know what's REALLY going on, they just assume you're the problem & YOU'RE the bitch in the situation.

All that keeps running through my head are songs talking about how relationships can be perfect but things change, & they don't work out how everyone thought they would. You could be DESPERATELY in love with someone, for the longest time, but what everyone doesn't realize is that things DO change. It might seem that you've moved on, but that's just for show.

Look, for everyone out there thinking I'm a bitch for everything that's gone on in MY relationship? You ALL can just go somewhere. Were any of y'all in the relationship? Do ANY of y'all know what went on? Didn't think so. So stop trying to act like you know ALL or even ANYTHING about it. 'Cause you don't.

June 1, 2010;

The beginning of summer..

Summer hasn't started out as I had expected, at all. The past eight days have been very long. In the past eight days, I've gotten out of school, gotten myself grounded, gotten broken up with, & lost five pounds.

Over the past few days, I have never felt so pathetic in my life. Sitting at home, doing whatever, has made me sick. Laying in bed, watching movies? One of my worst decisions. Ever tried looking through movies that didn't have any hint of a love story in them? It's impossible. I have a CLOSET FULL of movies, there's maybe ONE with out any in it.

Last night I cleaned off the table by my bed. Also, not a very good decision. With love notes/letters covered all over it. & some, ones I had started writing to him. A few different journals I had written in. Two pictures in frames. My Birthday letter, & Valentine's Day letter. I stayed up for a while, talking to an old friend.

& this is supposed to be summer? SUMMER? This feels absolutely NOTHING like summer. Being stuck at home with absolutely NOTHING to do? This isn't summer. Summer is supposed to be laying out all day with your best friends, soaking up all the sun you can get, turning straight BLACK. It's supposed to be driving around town with nothing to do but blare your music, & have the windows down. Jumping into pools, fully clothed, just for the hell of it. Eating WAY too much junk food, & laying around watching your favorite movies with your bestfriend.

That summer love, that everyone secretly or openly hopes for every year with the summer air. Walking down the beach, with your arms brushing against each other, not knowing if he wants to hold your hand as badly as you want to hold his. The first kiss when he walks you to your door after an amazing night out..

This. Is. Not. Summer.

May 20, 2010;

Ever have that feeling that your entire world is just crashing down on you & there's no escape? Well, try having that feeling for almost a week straight.

I've recently realized that I'm one of the most slack people in the world. I've been slack with my school work this quarter, & it shows in my grades. Let's just say, they're not as high as they should be. &, I know that something is due, start doing it, then get too tired & just give up on doing it. For example, here I write.

I'm exhausted 99.9% of the time, & it's really starting to get on my nerves. I can't stay up past ten or I'm even more tired the next day. Being tired puts me in a constant bad mood. Which helps with the relationships in my life, lemme tell ya.

But, one plus-side to my life right now, I've been running with my sister trying to get myself back in shape. Which, when I push myself, helps sometimes.

I'm done complaining, goodnight.

March 15, 2010.

I LOVE MY FRIENDS, & FAMILY!

Recently, I've realized that I really have all that I need. Who ever I was looking for to replace certain things in my life, I don't need it. I'm absolutely in love with all of the friends I have right now. & my family couldn't mean more.

Jonathan; You're absolutely amazing, & I couldn't ask for anyone better.

Brooke; You are the best friend anyone could ask for. We're like the same person, just in two separate bodies. You understand me, better than ANYONE else does.

Jordan; I MISS & LOVE YOU! Best friends since ninth grade, & still going? Hell yeah! I love you!

Soo, I was in a good mood, & felt like being lovey (:

March 4, 2010;

I feel like I'm going to explode. Like once I get part of my life straight everything else has to blow up in front of my face.

I don't understand how people can vent to me, ask me for advice, & get the information THEY need, then just leave. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that people come to me for advice & to vent. Some of my friends actually let me come back & vent, too. But, the people like the first sentence up there? It's getting old.

A relationship goes both ways. If you're looking for a friend to vent to & to tell you the straight TRUTH, then I'm your girl. But, if that's ALL you're looking for, you better keep looking. I'm so sick of people coming to me, & talking about me me me, & then when it's my turn, it NEVER HAPPENS. I have issues to, ME! EMILY! I may not want to talk about them a lot of the time, but when I do? LISTEN TO ME!

I'm overwhelmed with so much right now. & I'm getting sick & tired of being pushed back & only coming around when YOU need someone.

Bad day;

So, today pretty much sucked. I was exhausted all day, & didn't want to be at school at all. I got accused of stealing SIX dollars out of someone's purse. Wow, really? I needed six dollars? Definitely.

Oh, & to top it off? I've been arguing with someone all night. Who appearently doesn't give a shit about anything that's going on with me, so only says that I'M making them feel like crap.

I haven't gotten any sleep at all this week. & I have to get up early to leave for Charlotte by eight in the morning. Well, I wish I could get more sleep but, I'm SO excited to spend two days with my mom & sister!

Going to take a shower, & go to bed early tonight; before nine o'clock. Maybe some sleep will make me feel better..

February 17, 2010.

I really hate when I try to END an argument because I don't want to get into another fight, & the person just thinks I'm being a jerk. Today has been a roller coaster. & I'm really sick of this ride. On the plus side, I finally got a couple of hours of sleep last night..