A lot of things have happened in the past couple of days that I'd have to say, have left me hurt and confused. A lot of it has made me break down in tears so much to the point I didn't think I was going to recover from it. But, though these things have all upset me, it's all opened my eyes to everything that's really been going on with me over the past couple of weeks that I couldn't see for myself. The changes, the relationships I've put on the back burner, even the most important ones to me.
Last night was a typical Wednesday night for me. I came home, got some food, and went to bible study. Last night we talked about how we preached our sermon to the people we see everyday, or even just a random person out of the blue. And lately I've been so caught up in myself and my problems that I haven't been preaching the sermon of Jesus Christ, I've been preaching Emily; myself. That's not how it's supposed to be at all yet it's how most people, Christians and non, walk around and live their daily lives.
A lot of things have changed about me in the past couple of weeks. And I don't like it at all. I'm not saying that I was ever the perfect Christian; I was very far from it. But I WAS more positive, I DIDact more like a christian, EVERYDAY, and not just when I wanted to be. I'd pushed the relationships of my best friend and of my Savior out of my head. I couldn't tell you the last time I had a real talk with my best friend. And I couldn't tell you the last time I actually sat down, cleared my head, in silence, and talked to God. How awful is that? It makes me sick just typing it. That I could let myself let other things pull me away from God.
Things need to change. Things are going to change. And some people might not be too happy about it. But, that's not my problem right now. I need to get some things straight for me.
