Gossip;

Anyone could tell you, because everyone knows, that I am one of the worst gossipers ever. Wow, did I really just say that? Me? The person who's never wrong and hates admitting things? Wow.

Honestly, I really wish I would try harder to stop. So many things have happened to me over the past year and a half dealing with my gossiping, it's ridiculous. I've lost friends because of it, and an older boyfriend has YELLED at me because of it. Yet, I still seem to find my way back in step with my everyday gossip. I've tried to change so many times, and I'm still trying.

Today I was sitting in class and I turned to the person next to me and told her something I found out earlier. Within two seconds of me telling her it spread like wildfire and she was telling her other friends in the class. Everyone has told me before that that's how gossiping works. And I believed it, or at least I thought I did. But, until today, I never actually fully got that concept into my head. How could I go on and say such horrible things about people behind their backs? And people I don't even know! How horrible am I? I'm awful. And I'm supposed to be a Christian? I say I'm a Christian yet I go around talking about everyone? How messed up is that? I'm so angry, I don't even know how to finish this right now.

HAPPY!;

Ahh! :) Ever since two wednesdays ago (April 15) I have been in the best mood! I don't know what it is but, something in me just changed. It's almost like it's been a flip of a switch. I'm more friendly, to people I don't even know. I'm more positive, then I ever thought I could be. I'm happy! Happy, happy, happy! :)

Things happen;

A lot of things have happened in the past couple of days that I'd have to say, have left me hurt and confused. A lot of it has made me break down in tears so much to the point I didn't think I was going to recover from it. But, though these things have all upset me, it's all opened my eyes to everything that's really been going on with me over the past couple of weeks that I couldn't see for myself. The changes, the relationships I've put on the back burner, even the most important ones to me.

Last night was a typical Wednesday night for me. I came home, got some food, and went to bible study. Last night we talked about how we preached our sermon to the people we see everyday, or even just a random person out of the blue. And lately I've been so caught up in myself and my problems that I haven't been preaching the sermon of Jesus Christ, I've been preaching Emily; myself. That's not how it's supposed to be at all yet it's how most people, Christians and non, walk around and live their daily lives.

A lot of things have changed about me in the past couple of weeks. And I don't like it at all. I'm not saying that I was ever the perfect Christian; I was very far from it. But I WAS more positive, I DIDact more like a christian, EVERYDAY, and not just when I wanted to be. I'd pushed the relationships of my best friend and of my Savior out of my head. I couldn't tell you the last time I had a real talk with my best friend. And I couldn't tell you the last time I actually sat down, cleared my head, in silence, and talked to God. How awful is that? It makes me sick just typing it. That I could let myself let other things pull me away from God.

Things need to change. Things are going to change. And some people might not be too happy about it. But, that's not my problem right now. I need to get some things straight for me.